Our friends over at SFSI (San Francisco Sex Information) say they get this question all the time, so we were excited when it also landed in our inbox. And we’re going to take a stab at answering this without looking at the answer on SFSI’s site (though we’ll link to it at the end).

Lots of folks are interested in anal sex, generally defined as inserting an object or a penis into a person’s anus, either from the giving or receiving end. The key things to keep in mind when it comes to anal sex:

  • It shouldn’t hurt — it should fee good
  • You should use LOTS of lube
  • Take it slow, practice and work your way up
  • Don’t put anything in your ass that you can’t get out

It shouldn’t hurt — it should feel good

Many people enjoy anal sex and most think it feels good to have something in their ass, whether it’s someone else’s cock or an object like a dildo. The area around the asshole has lots of nerve endings and is near the genitals, so there is a lot of potential for good sensations. Some people think the fullness of something in their ass feels good, some think the motion of something going in and out feels good, some just like to be touched around or in their ass. If it feels good, it’s good.

The thing to keep in mind, though, is unlike a vagina, the ass is not really “designed” to have things inserted in it. So to do so, you need to do a little preparation. This includes using a lot of lube and taking it slow, working your way up, getting your ass used to having something going inside.

Anal sex should feel good and should be safe, avoiding tearing the inside of the ass or causing physical damage. Using copious amounts of lube protects the inside of your ass from tearing and damage. Did we mention using lube? More on that next.

You should use LOTS of lube

However much lube you think you may need, double it, triple it, you get the picture. The inside of the ass not only doesn’t produce natural lubrication, but it’s connected right to the colon and the colon’s job is to absorb water and moisture. So use lots of lube and if you’re using water-based lube, add more often.

Again, you want to avoid any tearing inside the ass or causing any physical damage. Lots of lube helps make anal sex safer and less prone to injury. If it hurts, something is wrong and you may be hurting yourself. Slow down and work your way up. More on that coming up.

A note about lubes: there are three basic types, oil-based, water-based and silicone based. Oil-based lubes cause latex to break down, so they shouldn’t be used with condoms. Water-based lubes are very safe, but require re-application, especially for anal sex. Silicone lubes are very slippery and don’t require a lot of re-application, but they are hard to get off and can stain sheets and clothes.

You may buy decent lubes at drug stores or pharmacies (they may be called “personal lubricants” or “sensual lubricants” and are not age-restricted) or higher-end lubes at upscale sex product stores like Good Vibrations or Babes in Toyland.

Take it slow, practice and work your way up

Sex isn’t a race and anal sex, especially, is something to start out with slowly and work your way up. As we’ve mentioned, the ass isn’t “designed” to have things put inside it, so it makes a lot of sense that doing so requires practice and patience.

You can’t just start out with a cock, or a big toy, in your ass if you’ve never done it before.

So start out by putting your own finger up your ass using a lot of lube. Do that a few times and see how it feels. It may feel great, but you still need to work your way up to larger things. Try a couple fingers. Then maybe a small dildo designed for safe anal play. See how much lube you need and how tight your ass feels. Practice. You can’t just go from “zero to penis” or “zero to dildo,” so work your way up. And not in one hour or one day, but over many days or even weeks or longer; however it works for you.

Don’t put anything in your ass that you can’t get out

Some people like having a cock in their ass, some people like having a toy, some people like other objects. But no matter what you may like, be sure you only put things in your ass that you can get out!

That means only use objects with a flange.

A flange is a flared base that is wider than the rest of the object. It needs to be wide enough that it won’t fit in the ass so it won’t get pulled up there and stuck inside. Anal-safe dildos and toys have a long section that goes inside the ass, with a large flange at the bottom that is too big to go in, so you can always get it out. Never use smooth or round objects that don’t have a flange.

And if you’re having someone put their cock in your ass, the person’s body is the flange.

Now what?

Want to know more? There’s a great book with all the imformation about anal sex that you could think of. It’s called “Anal Pleasure and Health” by Dr. Jack Morrin. You can buy it at regular bookstores or online book sites.

And, as promised, here’s an answer from SFSI about anal sex: Do you have any tips for anal sex?

Enjoy!